2.12.2014

On Being Lazy

Every day when MJ came home from work  last week I was in the same place doing the same thing. Sitting on the couch in my pajamas watching TV.  By the 4th day I was actually starting to feel a little embarrassed.  He's at work all day, there are dirty dishes in the sink and yet there I sit day after day on my butt.  He's taking care of everything. Monday I changed it up and when he came home I was upstairs. Taking a nap.  The theme of last week was mostly pain management and this week it seems to be fatigue.  I'm sleeping on my sides more comfortably though and I'm finally able to cuddle up with MJ again.   

I can't sleep in so every morning I wake up early to do nothing.  I take a nice hot shower, put on my jammies and check the status of my swelly belly which is improving every day.  My belly button is no longer a bloody hole.  Eww!! It's now a scab.  Still gross!  I bring my pillows downstairs and pop a pill. I'm eating breakfast at the table now and when I'm done I arrange my pillows around me on the couch just so with my ipad, iphone, remote and water bottle within reach. And you know what? I love it. It feels so wrong to admit that I love being lazy but I really do. I love that for once in my life there is not a damn thing I have to do.  I have no responsibilities.  I feel like a bum but this is what my body needs me to do right now.  Last Friday I tried something different and it didn't go so well. 
My first post surgery outing was Friday after being inside the house for an entire week.  MJ needed to drop his car off at the dealership for service really early in the morning and we'd stop for breakfast down the street on the way back.  Easy peasy right?  We both thought it would be good for me to get out.  Big mistake.   The dealership is only about 20 minutes away.  On the way there I was aware of every single bump.  I only had to stand briefly while he turned in his car and got a rental but by the time we were half way to breakfast I was feeling it.  I walked in there like I had a stick up my butt determined to enjoy it.  When I got home I was immediately on my back surrounded in pillows with a very swollen belly and pains for the rest of the day.  That delicious veggie hash was worth it though!

It really just goes to show you how much we are actually doing every day just being out in the world even when we think we aren't doing all that much.  Just when I thought I was feeling good my body said not so fast lady and told me to go back to sitting on my butt.  My parents came down on Saturday but I haven't gone anywhere since. 

When I got home that day I opened this sweet little care package from my mom and literally burst into tears.  I was just sobbing.  I'm not really sure why.  I'm emotional but usually not THAT emotional.  I was in pain and flustered that a 2 hour errand did me in and there was just something about these simple yet thoughtful gifts that really touched my heart.  Sometimes it really is the little things that mean so much.  It was so sweet that she found these little things that she knew I'd love.

Laziness is not considered an attractive quality. We are taught that lazy is bad.  Most of us anyways.  And the ones that see lazy as a way of life don't usually get very far.  But why does it have to be so wrong when it feels so right?  I wouldn't want to marry someone who sits on the couch all day for no good reason.  What kind of life and what kind of relationship could you have if you did absolutely nothing?  As tantalizing as it sounds even if I never ever had to go back to work I would not make lazy my new occupation.  Not that I wouldn't want to 'cause it's actually pretty awesome; but ultimately I really wouldn't like myself and I'm pretty sure MJ wouldn't like me either.  I'm no overachiever but I have to be productive in some way or else I feel like crap.  Obviously going to work every day is the main thing but in addition to that whether it be working out, writing, blogging, cleaning, errands, paying bills, I have to do something that feels like I did something in order to feel good about myself.  No matter how good it feels to do nothing eventually the feelings of guilt and disgust at myself would eat me alive.  It's hard enough not to feel down on myself right now even though nothing is what I'm supposed to be doing.  

Last week sitting up without back support and holding my arms over a keyboard was exhausting but I'm getting stronger so this week it's different.  I'm still usually sitting on the couch by the time MJ gets home but in the morning after breakfast is novel writing time.  It would be ridiculous not to use some of this precious time off for that.  Even though I do nothing else I'm already feeling better about myself. 

20 comments :

  1. Good for you! I am totally an advocate of taking it easy whenever you need to. Love your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hope your recovery gets easier and goes by quickly....Lazy is really hard for me to pull off too because I'm a doer..but we sooo need that time occasionally. Enjoy it as much as you can while you've got it!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I didn't even realize you had surgery! I hope you start feeling better soon! That sounds rough. You're totally justified in enjoying "laziness"... it's not like you sit around and do nothing all day every day. You're a busy lady! And you NEED to be lazy right now. I love it too actually...it's so nice to just sit and relax.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Recovery is tricky. I had a major surgery in 1999 and I tricked my uncle into thinking I could drive my standard shift care to my job to pick up my check a week after. When I got home I was miserable the shifting of gears and rubbing against my stitches was too much and to make matters worse my uncle went to fussing and he never fussed at me. So take it easy and it is a good idea to slowly transition in to doing more. Glad you are feeling better.

    ReplyDelete
  5. you have a good reason to be "lazy" so don't feel guilty at all! your body obviously needs this time to heal and recover. plus, as you said, it's rare that we get time to just do nothing, so enjoy it!
    -- jackie - jade and oak

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm late to the party (as usual, but would we call this a party?), and just read today about your surgery. I know it's super scary (I had major surgery when I was 20), but look at you! You're stronger than you ever knew, and slowly but surely you will get back to where you need to be.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I don't think taking it easy after surgery is lazy at all! Be kind to yourself!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. move at your own pace!! I'm learning this too as my pregnancy is proved to be way more challenging this time around!

    ReplyDelete
  9. No shame in taking it easy after surgery. Your body needs to properly heal and not having to go to work isn't a bad deal.

    ReplyDelete
  10. What's the point in a surgery if you don't get to be lazy after?
    So this reminded me of a line on "The Moaning of Life" when Karl was investigating what it means to have a profession. He said something along the lines of, "All people want to do is sit on their ass, but then if they don't go to work they won't have a home to sit in. And then those who work a lot and get rich then just sit on their asses in a nicer place. So what it really comes down to is that humans just want to sit on their asses."

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am a very purpose driven person, and there are a lot of days where I go-go-go. Friday for example, I'm dropping off the dog at the groomer's, going to workout, getting my hair done, getting a mani-pedi, and grocery shopping at Trader Joe's and Costco. Granted some of those are fun things, but it's also a list of things to do. There are times where I REALLY look forward to the weekends where I don't do anything. I think our minds needs mental break sometime. I hope you feel better soon, but in the meantime, enjoy the laziness.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I know it's bad but I love to be lazy. I do stuff when I have to and I am a hard worker when there's an objective, but man I love me a day on the couch. You're right though, people do judge for it. But you aren't lazy, you're in recovery!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Aw, I love to be lazy sometimes too. At least you have a good excuse! I hope you take it easy!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Enjoy your time off and most importantly savor the lazy because it is essential to you getting back to 100% :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. YAY for lazy recovery days, you so need that after a major surgery. You look so good by the way and I am so happy that you are recovering nicely. Wishing you a swift recovery.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I totally get it...I have to be busy in some way AT ALL TIMES otherwise I feel like the world's laziest person. But when you aren't feeling well, you definitely have to take a break, so that you can get better.

    Feel better my friend...you look great!

    ReplyDelete
  17. You and I are on the same page about laziness! I LOVE to be lazy, but once I'm lazy for too long I start to feel awful about myself. I may hate work but it doesn't make me feel like that! Lol. But...you NEED to let yourself be lazy for just a bit longer until you are completely healed and ready to go! Your stomach does look a lot less swollen. A bloody hole in your belly button sounds painful but I bet you are glad it is done and you are healing. PS. What did you think about the new episode of The Walking Dead??

    ReplyDelete
  18. Ha, feels like the story of my life lately. Only difference is that you just got done with a surgery and have the biggest excuse. Take this time as the time you deserve to relax and let your body mend itself. Soon you'll be back at it because you my friend aren't lazy!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Seriously lady...you just had surgery...it's okay to lazy around. I think lazy gets such a bad rap sometimes. We do so much running around in our everyday lives...it's alright to be lazy especially when our bodies and minds need it. I love that your mom sent you a care package!!

    ReplyDelete
  20. You are not lazy, but I do understand where you are coming from! You go girl! By the way, I am late on this whole surgery thing. What was the surgery for?

    ReplyDelete

I really appreciate your comments! Thanks for being a part of my blog. (If you are viewing the "mobile version" you must click "view web version" in order to comment).