9.01.2011

Maintaining the Magic

On our wedding day
There are so many unhappy marriages in this world.  I don't have statistics but I venture to guess that for every happy and loving marriage there are at least five pairs of miserable dysfunctional marriages that are on the verge of collapse or already have.  I should know.  I used to be in one of them.  I am glad to say that my newly minted marriage is alive and well.  We love and respect each other.  The lines of communication are open and we have fun.  But for everyone of those marriages that are falling apart many of them started out just like us.  Happy, loving, affectionate.  Madly in love.  It is a huge reminder to me that although I know that Mj is the right person for me we are not just going to magically stay as in love as we are now forever without effort.  I think it's so important to put forth the effort and be conscious of that now when things are good to avoid having to try to do it later in a relationship that has been allowed to unravel into disrepair.

Dating Mj was such fun.  Our first date was dinner and even though it was also my first time meeting him I felt comfortable right away.  He planned our second one which was an all day date that included lunch, go cart racing and kite flying.  After the third date I was hooked.  I fed off of his energy and he showered me with gifts, love and all kinds of fun outings.  Learning new things about each other all the time was thrilling especially because the more I found out the more perfect he seemed for me.  Every time we were together was like a new adventure.  Issues and problems that we'd had with previous partners were a thing of the past.  Everything was different now that we'd found each other and it felt wonderful.  Every kiss, every touch, every time I got to see him was magic.

That was 3 1/2 years ago and we are 1 year into marriage.  We are no longer in that euphoric exciting fun filled newly dating and falling in love phase anymore.  That phase only happens when you are newly dating and falling in love and seeing as how we are no longer newly dating and have already fallen in love that phase of our relationships is over.  We still have fun but now our relationship has a whole new dimension to it.  We live together.  We have bills to pay.  I get to wash his dirty gym clothes and he gets to listen to me complain about him not putting his keys and sunglasses in the brown basket.  While we might not know everything there is to know about one another we know quite a bit and so that discovery process has slowed down.  Still, when he kisses me or says "I love you" just because my heart melts.  I'm still excited to see him.  We love spending time together and I love coming home to him every day.  I am as in love with him now as I was in those exhilarating days of dating and I want it to stay that way.

We are newlyweds just beginning our marriage journey.  Those early days of dating are in the past but I don't ever want to loose that wonder and attraction that made us fall in love with each other.  Therein lies the challenge.  We are no longer newly dating and freshly falling in love but we are in love and we need to keep that magic alive. It's so easy to communicate when everything is perfectly uncomplicated but what about when it's not?  The hardest decision we make isn't where we should go for dinner anymore, it's whether or not we should have kids, how much we should put into savings and who gets to clean the bathroom.  Communication is more important now then it ever was and having the courtesy and respect for each other that we started out with will only make it easier to maintain a healthy happy relationship.

The bottom line is that as a couple you should never stop doing the things that made you fall in love in the first place and add in new things that will keep you there.  Continue to be kind to each other.  Listen to each other and have fun together.  Think about the words you said on your wedding day.  Relationships, like people are constantly evolving.  As easy as it is in these early days of our relationship it might get more difficult as the years go on especially if we don't nurture and value what we have.  When I see those happy couples married for 20 + years with gray hair still out there slow dancing, holding hands and going on dates it makes me smile.  I know without a doubt that I want that to be us some day and it's up to us to make sure that it is.

11 comments :

  1. Congrats by your post to what seems to be you having or coming up on a 1 year anniversary. We just had ours this past weekend. Marriage to a great man is such a blessing.

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  2. I also came from a dysfunctional relationship...it's so nice when things just feel so natural...and right deep down inside!

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  3. Great post! We're coming up on our 1st anniv as well and I don't understand it when people say "the first year is the hardest". If it is - well, then that's awesome, cuz this year's been cake!! Haha! I think that the hard part comes with the mortgage and kids and just changing & evolving over the years. People can either grow together or apart through the many years as we all evolve as individuals. Luckily D & I have parents who have all been married 30+yrs so we have great examples, and great places to turn to for advice. ;)

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  4. good advice - considering you've lived both sides of it.

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  5. Oh, I love it girl!! You obviously know my situation and know how well I can relate to this post. While relationships, no matter how good, aren't effortless, there certainly are differences between the bad and good ones...I'll never allow myself to go back to that place.

    Thank you so much for sharing!

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  6. Such a great and so true post.
    I think it's so important to keep the magic there and not fall into a pit of just being around but not enjoying each other.

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  7. So sweet. So very sweet.

    I remember the days when Ali and I used to be so happy to see each other and sometimes I feel like we are thrilled to see each other's backside! :) But 11 years of marriage will do that to you I suppose.

    We have a similar brown basket. The keys and phone? Never go in it!

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  8. I love this post! you are always so thoughtful in your posts!

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  9. i just loved reading this! i missed your blog and am so happy to be catching up ... i agree with everything you said!

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