You know those class action lawsuit notices that you get in the mail? You half read them then throw them away and pretty much forget about it because you still can't figure out exactly how you have been wronged and you already know that whatever your particular piece of the pie is to compensate for your alleged pain and suffering probably won't even be enough to buy lunch at Applebee's Denny's.
I am bound by the terms of my confidential settlement agreement so I can't name names but I have been the triumphant recipient of four lawsuits since we moved to our new house which was less then a month ago. The first settlement award came just days before we moved and I actually threw it in the trash by accident because I was in the middle of sorting and organizing at the new house. I think it has to do with some sort of breach of privacy but I honestly can't remember. It was a voucher for an upgrade on my gym membership for only $5 which means I can actually go to the brand new one by our house that Mj uses and not be relegated to their 2nd tier locations. Never mind that I haven't been to said gym in a long time I am entitled to my damages and so I plan to collect because I really do plan on going back. "Just wait until I get my lawsuit" I'd tell Mj when he would question harass me about not going to the gym. Now I really don't have any excuse aside from the other ones I normally use.
The next lawsuit was from a very popular online travel company. I have absoloutely no idea what this one was for. I got a whole $1.11 cents credit to use at my leisure. That won't even get me downtown on a city bus so I'm not sure exactly what I'll do with that one.
Let's just say I hit the big time with the next two. Cash money! So big that I can afford to decorate my house any way my heart desires, add on all the bells and whistles to my wedding and am seriously considering quitting my job. Well, one can dream right? Last weeks check was a settlement from a work at home inbound call center I worked for briefly when I quit working full time about five years ago. I was modeling so I was looking for something flexible that could earn me some extra money. I completed their training modules and once I was a bona fide certified agent I signed up for time slots so I could wait for incoming calls via my computer and earn money from the comfort of my home. I got to take orders from people in places like Skokie, Illinois who wanted to order things like the Heel-Tastick heel renewal system with the bonus grooming kit that they saw on late night TV watching reruns. The only time slots available were often at odd hours and in 2 hour increments. I'd set my alarm for 1:30 am so I could wake up only to sit there at my desk in my pajamas and only take 1 call while trying desperately not to fall asleep. You got paid by the minutes spent on the phone so even if you "worked" for 4 hours you'd only get paid for maybe 35 minutes. I think that's why they got hit with the lawsuit. Nobody could make any money! Needless to say, I think my $30.00 settlement check is more then I ever actually earned while working for them.
The settlement I got yesterday was from a major online dot com corporation that most of us have used at one time or another. I have no clue on how I was wronged on this one but I will happily cash my $35 check anyways thank you very much.
The very first weekend of June as soon as I got paid I ran out and spent almost my entire budget for the month on things for the house and a few things for the wedding so I was flat broke just days into this month. I get paid once a month so there isn't anything else comin' in but thanks to my lawsuits I have $65 more dollars to work with. I was part of a cell phone company lawsuit years ago and a couple others that I only vaguely remember. My oh my we have become such a litigious society. Just living your every day life you can be unknowingly wronged, become part of a lawsuit AND collect damages without doing a thing.
I'm not really sure how the lawsuit gods knew that this has been a really tight month for me. When I check the mail every day I'm secretly hoping that there might be even more that I have long since forgotten about rolling in.