5.23.2006

Film Audition


Current mood: hopeful

I step out of my car with my headshots and sides in hand and begin to walk down the block. I look up and see the famed HOLLYWOOD sign nestled in the hills asserting its presence even through the hazy clouds that have completely blotted out the sun on this gray day. With that sight looming over me I am immediately struck by where I am and what I am doing at that very moment. I am in LA the city of dreams on my way to a film audition. I continue down Santa Monica Ave and pass a theatre with headshots of the starring actors posted in the window. In their eyes I see the dreams and the hopes that they, like every other actor carries inside of them. I can see myself in their faces staring back at me. The glass door where my audition is has signs taped to it announcing auditions for mine and various other projects. I open the door and find myself in a dimly lit foyer with a steep staircase leading to a second floor. I make my way up the creaky stairs and see signs asking for quiet because of ongoing acting classes. I walk down the long dark hall and look for the ever present sign in sheet that will announce my arrival. I catch a glimpse of a kitchen set up in one room with an instructor up front talking about "choices" to be made when doing a scene. I sit in one of the battered chairs and read over my sides. There is another actor pacing in uneven circles down the hallway doing the same and another actress sits in a chair awaiting her turn. A door opens and an actress comes out while the one waiting in the chair goes in. I glance at her curiously without wanting her to know that I am doing so, and I get the feeling she is doing the same to me. I compare myself to her and at the same time, wonder how her audition went. Did the director like her? What edge might she have over me? After all she is my competition.

When it's my turn, the director comes out and shakes my hand and in I go. I am not nervous. I have practiced my lines, I know them by heart, and I feel as prepared as I can be. Inside is a small room with theatre like seating and a small stage at the front. There is a video camera set up on a tri pod facing the stage and so I immediately know where my mark will be. I hand him my headshot and stand on the stage and wait for instructions. I am told to slate my name, age range, and role first and am then given a bit of a background on the scene. There is another actor there that will read with me. After my slate I walk to one side of the room and wait for my cue. Action....and so I begin. I slip into another character and begin to imagine what I think "she" would be thinking at each moment so that this characters emotions will show on my face and project in my tone of voice. There are two scenes, and I am glad that the director has allowed me to do each one twice. After each scene he gives some feedback and we repeat the scene with me hoping that I have made the adjustments in my reading that have been requested. After we are done I thank the other actor and the director thanks me for coming. He says, "I'll be in touch" and I wonder if he really means it.

As I retrace my steps down the dark hall my mind is already replaying every moment of the audition in my head. Second guessing every choice I made in the scene, every tone, every line and just hoping that it was enough. I feel good though. I didn't miss a single line and I know I did the best I could. That is all I can ask for. As I exit the building another hopeful walks in. Whether I am right for the part or not is not my decision, but as long as I did my best I can walk away and feel ok with that. The next day I get a call back. I am still in the running which is good, but I know it's a long shot. I am not the only girl hoping for this role. I will await the next set of sides, rehearse my lines, and when the time comes repeat this process all over again.....and hope for the best.

5.15.2006

Mom






If I think too long about how much I love her and how wonderful she is it can bring tears to my eyes. She carries the problems and burdens of everyone she loves on her small shoulders and makes it look easy. Not only that, but she does it with a smile. She is small in appearance but her spirit and energy is as solid and gleaming as steel. She has been a part of my life before I even existed and I can't imagine a world in which she is not there to encourage me and support me through lifes many trials and tribulations. She is loved by everyone who knows her and her strength radiates even as she smiles. She is as beautiful as she is strong. She is my mother and I am so lucky to have been blessed to have her in my life. I don't know if there is any way I could ever re pay her for what she does so I won't even try. You can't put a price tag on what she's done. All I can do is be thankful and do what I can to show her how grateful I am and how much I love her. I will always remain in awe of her amazing qualities. My mother brought me into this world and has been by my side through all of my ups and downs. I remember her waking up early in the morning to make us breakfast before we went to school in the morning and shuttling us around to all of our various school activities all the while still making sure to have dinner on the table. I have a memory waving back at her as she watched me walk down the block to elementary school. I used to feel so sad for her leaving her all alone every day while I got to go off to school and play. Little did I know she could acually use the break from her little rug rats. I only wish I had half the energy and good will that she does. She is off to work, working out at the gym, having date night with my dad, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, tending the yard, doing laundry, going to church where she sometimes works in the nursery, and sending care packages to my little sister at college. She even remembers to send out birthday cards and gifts for graduations and birthdays. If anyone ever needs a place to stay in a time of need her front door is wide open. Her heart is big enough to embrace not only who she cares about, but also who her family cares about as well. All of this in addition to her own full time job, part time esthetician job and trying to fit in her own life all the while taking care of ours. My mother is an energizer bunny with a heart of gold. She energetically embraces life and takes whatever comes her way without complaint. She cares so much, wants the best for all of us, and has worked hard for a long time to see that we got it. In the middle of everything she undertook the huge task of going to cosmetology school and getting her esthetician license. She became a mother and a wife at the young age of 19 and it is only last year that the youngest turned 18. She has been a mother for 34 years and she shows no signs of slowing down. She continues to nurture and support us even as we become adults ourselves and she is the best wife a husband could ever hope to have. She turns rain into sunshine and tears into laughter and problems into a challenge. When I am sick or upset sometimes the only person that can really reassure me is my mom. She is selfless even when she should be a little selfish and I don't even know if she realizes just how amazing she is. I hope someday I could be even half as wonderful at being a mother, wife, and a human being as she is.

A cooked spaghetti dinner delivered by mom with love. In that way she has of doing things she managed to whip it up between attending a communion and brunch in the morning and getting to my place in the afternoon. In the way that I have, I contributed the "side" items of bread and salad. After dinner it was off to the Ballet to see "Carmen" after which she spent the night at my place. You are never too old for a mother daughter slumber party. After a movie and some munchies it was off to bed. For mother's day it was a champagne brunch by the harbor. All you can eat crab lebs, waffles, eggs and other various delicious choices. Needless to say, it was a great weekend with mom and I woudn't have had it any other way.

My only wish for my mother is peace and happiness; whatever that means for her. I would love to see her relaxing in the sun, not having to work, enjoying the house she has always made into a home. I want her to enjoy friends, family, health, and happiness up until the very last second that she remains on this earth. She deserves all of the joy and pleasure this world has to offer and more.